Welcome back! I'm glad to see so many fans of Sleeping Horse Pills have found a way to witness firsthand this bold experiment. As much work as it was to physically produce a single issue of the zine, it pales in comparison to learning the ins and outs of getting it online. Somehow, crouching in front of a single 30 watt space heater that's spreading the rubber cement fumes around more than it's heating the frozen fingers clutching a frigid x-acto knife in one hand and a Lonestar in the other, was much easier than trying to learn html and all the shit it takes to make this thing halfway decent without spending any more than we did (or didn't) at Kinkos to print this rag.
I will bravely move forward and hopefully win this war, even after losing every battle. So, to find out what the title of this post is referring to and what the crazy woman staring out the window in the picture below is really thinking, hit the jump and continue reading!
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| "Why did you throw my issue of Sleeping Horse Pills out the window?" "Shut up and eat your din din Blanche." |
I have an entire library of music that I file away in the "Guilty Pleasures" category. It's all the crappy 80's tunes and hair metal that I secretly love to rock out to, the Lilith Fair chicks that I'll listen to when nobody else is around. It's the "so bad it's cool" stuff and unlike hipsters and their skinny jeans, novelty t-shirts, dick-duster mustaches and fixed gear bikes, I'm not flaunting this shit because I want to be ironic, it's actually pretty embarrassing. Most of the guilty pleasures playlist is so bad that I keep it locked away and I will only listen to it when I know I am alone. I will personally make you a mix CD containing my favorite guilty pleasures if you request one at shpestamuerto@gmail.com. Hit the player to enjoy a choice cut and read on, we're getting to where I'm going, I promise.
The gem playing above was written by Donna Weiss and Jackie DeShannon in 1974. But it took the pipes of Kim Carnes and an amazing synthesizer riff to transform "Bette Davis Eyes" into the runaway hit of 1981. So whether or not the song is about a powerful, sexually liberated woman or simply a song about a Coke Whore, the only Bette Davis eyes I see in my head are the ones in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?. Betty Davis' eyes in that film don't symbolize sexual prowess or the dilated pupils of somebody whose just finished off the last of an eight ball. Those eyes symbolize Baby Jane Hudson's rapid descent into the depths of being crazier than a shithouse rat.
If you haven't seen the film, it can be played instantly on Netflix. This psycological thriller was made in 1962 so it won't be at your corner Red Box, but you can probably go in and pick up the used copy super cheap from the bankrupt Blockbuster that has been slowly decaying next to the sketchy laudromat at your local strip mall.
"Sister, sister, oh so fair, why is there blood all over your hair?"
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane is an amazing film. It's one of those good psychological thrillers from the 60's that relies on the strength of the story, the skill of the actors and simple camera tricks to be effective. It's sad that most kids can't tolerate these old films because they don't have a CGI explosion or monster within the first 30 minutes or a popular song during the opening credits. The song that's featured in the incredible flashback opening sequence of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? is one of the most fucked up songs ever. The young Baby Jane Hudson sings "I've written a letter to Daddy", a song about a young girl who writes a letter to her dead father in heaven and "instead of a stamp, I put kisses", because she wants to say "I love you".
"There may be a heaven, but if Joan Crawford is there, I'm not going"
- Bette Davis
Bette Davis was nominated for Best Actress but lost to Anne Bancroft for her role in "The Miracle Worker". Victor Buono also received a Best Supporting Actor nomination for his role as Edwinn Flagg, one of my favorite characters in the film. Victor plays the hugely overweight misfit who answers Baby Jane's ad for an accompanist. He's unstable and lives with his mother whom he can't stand. He's disgusted by Baby Jane as well but agrees to work with her sensing an opportunity to get out of living with his pampering old mother. It's too bad Buono died of a heart attack in 1982. If they ever get A Confederacy of Dunces made into a film, this corpulent, comedic actor would have been perfect as Ignatius J. Reilly.
It wasn't a focus of the film, but I love that Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? has a creepy doll in it. When she was young, her doting father would try to sell the audience life size Baby Jane Hudson dolls after the show. Most dolls are pretty creepy no matter what. But when it's a life size replica of some Shirley Temple look alike that just performed "I've Written a Letter to Daddy" onstage, the doll magically becomes scary as hell.
Jessica told me this film reminds her of the 1975 documentary Grey Gardens. Let's see, two washed up old women living in a beat down old mansion, in almost total seclusion, going crazier than a fish with titties. Yep, that's it alright. Throw in a creepy ass doll and there you go.
Speaking of creepy dolls, continue reading below to see my short list of movies that feature creepy dolls. Go ahead, scroll down. You know you've been in the mood for a creepy doll flick.
Well dear readers, that's gonna do it for the first entry in the September issue of Sleeping Horse Pills. Check in every now and then as there's more good stuff to come during this Back to School season. I'll try to get a SHP Facebook page up so you can "like" it, but I'm lazy. Until then, help me spread the word. All love, hate, kudos, suggestions, submissions and to get your Guilty Pleasures mix, hit me up at shpestamuerto@gmail.com.
Dolls Scare the Shit out of Me
Everyone knows about the Child's Play franchise. Chucky has been been fucking people up since the 1988 original and through the fifth installment, "Bride of Chucky" in 2004. And of course there's the evil clown in Poltergeist. What follows are three films with scary dolls you may have missed.
This one is pretty much an exact ripoff of the Child's Play formula. It even seems like they used the same doll and just put a wig and dress on it. There's some good laughs though. The nonchalant way a local explains that the problem stems from some ancient Satan worshiping cult fucking goats and drinking the blood of children is classic.
The best part is the opening sequence when we see the evil spirit being released as it's tomb is upset. They tore a page right out of the Sam Raimi guide to film making. It's got the 80's special effects complete with the "Shaky Cam" shot and everything.
Like I said, the dolls are cool looking but they could have done a lot more with some actual puppetry. Instead, only the eyes are mobile and their movements look like they're being carried through the scenes on the end of a stick.
The biggest problem is that there are three teenage chicks, two jocks and the outcast little brother. They've got the house to themselves and the jocks sneak some booze in. You would think this is the perfect set up for some prime horror movie tits and ass right? Think again man. Right when you think one of those chicks is about to fulfill the gratuitous nudity quotient for the movie, some homeboy gets his boner bit off by a puppet!
There are many funny parts in the film and all the gratuitous tits and ass that have defined horror films since the beginning. There's drinking and drugs, incest, violence and blood and all the kind you can laugh at because it's wrapped in an American horror flick that revolves around an evil dummy. There's a scene where the proprietor of a strip club gets his dick bit off by the Howdy Doody knock off. Hmmm, dolls severing male genitalia with their doll mouths seems to be a running theme in movies belonging to this genre.
1 comments:
This was good... creepy dolls and a weird '80s song - my kind of reading material.
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