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Thursday, July 14, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Hang In There! 8:53 AM
Attention Sleeping Horse Pills Fans:
We apologize for the lack of output from the desk at SHP headquarters. We are currently spending every ounce of our energy on a major project that we are all very excited about. Look for it in the coming weeks! Until then, please browse through the archives and re-live some of the astounding segments that stand as an honest portrayal of the evolution of this bold experiment. As always, thank you for reading!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Pocketful of Tokens 9:12 AM
When I was a kid, I lived in the arcade. I would sneak away from compulsory Wednesday night catechism classes and hit up W.C Franks, an arcade and hot dog joint across the parking lot from church. Right around the corner was the Odyssey arcade, always the sketchy one because the pool tables in the back made it a hot spot for high school hoodlums. If I wasn’t there, you could find me at Aladdin’s Castle in the Foothills Mall or the arcade in the basement of the C.S.U. student center.
I pissed my pants in the mall one time because I was on the highest level I’d ever reached on Elevator Action and I had to go to the bathroom since somewhere around the 2nd level. I finally tore myself away with a couple lives left on my token and further than I’d ever gotten on the game. Aladdin’s Castle occupied the spot at the extreme end of the strip mall and the bathrooms were located in the center of the mall. I didn’t walk fast enough because before I could get to the bathrooms, I pissed my pants right there in front of everybody who happened to be hanging out between the Movie Theater and Montgomery Wards. It sucked man. I still had a few tokens left but spent the rest of the time in the bathroom trying to dry my jeans with the automatic hand dryer before my sister came to pick me up.
Besides pissing my pants in the mall and cutting up my finger pretty bad in the ball launch of a pinball machine at Shakey’s Pizza, being a kid during the Golden Age of Video Arcade Games was pretty awesome. I converted nearly 100% of my limited cash funds into tokens and contributed to the $8 billion dollars in quarters ($18.5 billion in 2011 dollars) the arcade industry made during its peak in 1982.
The early 90’s and the release of 4th and 5th generation game consoles for the home featuring 16, 32 and 64 bit technology killed the arcade. Now we have bullshit places like Dave & Busters and GameWorks trying to pass themselves off as arcades. They cater to families and the corporate office “Friday afternoon, time to blow off some steam” set. They feature expensive sports simulators and Dance Dance Revolution style games. They are clean and bright and safe. Fuck that. I guess if enjoying a beer with some Potato Skins and Spinach Dip while impressing co-workers with your DDR skills is the only thing that keeps you from going home and slashing your wrists after a hard week in the cubicle, that’s cool. But arcades used to be dark and maze like. It was where you would find the kids that skipped school that day, where fights between rival cliques would be scheduled to happen after the Jr. High School dance. It’s where a lot of kids smoked their first cigarette, hit their first joint or experienced their first beer buzz. Idle hands really will do the devil’s work, but not before they mash some buttons and perform some finishing moves or ride around on an ostrich jousting evil knights over a lake of fire.
Two Arcade Games You Might Have Missed
- Elevator Action (1983 – Taito)
This is the one that ended in me pissing myself in the middle of a busy strip mall. You’re a secret agent that must travel up and down tall buildings using elevators and escalators, retrieving secret documents and then escaping after safely making it all the way back down to the basement and your getaway car. The whole time you are dodging bullets from enemy agents. This game was deceptively hard and it was nearly impossible to complete all 30 levels. I was on level 20-something when I hastily left only to piss my pants in a crowded mall. I guess it wouldn’t have been so bad except that I was way past the age of it being okay to piss your pants.
2. Tapper (1983 – Bally Midway)
You can’t imagine how excited I was when I discovered Pinballz. This old school arcade nestled in the shadow of Highway 183 in North Austin is the real deal. The 13,000 square foot facility houses over 80 pinball machines and a great collection of new and classic arcade games. Most of the machines only require a couple of tokens and are well maintained. The upper room is dark and lit only by the back glass and flashing playfields of the pinball machines. You can grab some basic refreshments at Mikki’s Replay Café or you can bring your own beer.
Pinball has always been cool as shit. Incorporating badass artwork and sound based on unique themes. It requires a billiards like understanding of trajectory and it’s a physical game that has serious pinball wizards slam tilting their hips into machines more than the even the most active Dance Dance Revolution performers.
Top 3 Pinball Machines of all Time
- Twilight Zone (1993 – Bally Midway)
Based on the popular television show, the objectives and targets are all based on specific episodes from the heyday of the series. It’s got 5 possible multiball modes, you can Battle the Power on a secondary playfield using Magna Flips and it’s got Rod Serling’s voice saying shit like “Dance with the devil at your own risk, in the Twilight Zone”. It also features an actual “Powerball” that can be put into play; a ceramic pinball that's 20% lighter than the steel pinballs. It’s super fast and not affected by the game’s magnets.
2. Attack From Mars (1995 – Bally Midway)
Before everybody went crazy over zombies and vampires, aliens were still the shit. Attack From Mars was fun and funny with great artwork, a wide-open playfield and easy to understand objectives. The concept has the player traveling around the world to save humanity from aliens.
The Martians are hilarious and each country has audio that plays heavily upon cultural stereotypes. There’s a ton of shit to light up like the Big-O-Beam, Tractor Beam and the Atomic Blaster. The coolest feature of the game is Strobe Light Multiball. In this mode the entire playing field goes completely dark and then is lit only by a single strobe light for the entire duration of the multiball. The 1999 follow up, Revenge From Mars relied heavily on incorporating the new screen technology with the physical targets. It was fun, but never measured up to the original.
3. Black Knight 2000 (1989 – Williams)
This is my new favorite machine. It is the first machine to loom into view when you walk into Pinballz. Black Knight 2000 is the 1989 follow up to the original Black Knight released in 1980. The original Black Knight was the first machine to feature a split-level playfield. It also introduced Magna-Save, a strong magnet activated by the player when lit that saves the ball from draining in the outlanes. Black Knight was also the first machine to use faceted inserts (transparent inlaid plastic windows) in the playfield design. This game is super fast with a tricky u-turn tunnel, 3-bank drop-targets and 3 multiball modes. The artwork is truly badass and the music is sweet with a chorus of damsels urging you on while the Black Knight himself taunts you from his hellish steed.
This is my new favorite machine. It is the first machine to loom into view when you walk into Pinballz. Black Knight 2000 is the 1989 follow up to the original Black Knight released in 1980. The original Black Knight was the first machine to feature a split-level playfield. It also introduced Magna-Save, a strong magnet activated by the player when lit that saves the ball from draining in the outlanes. Black Knight was also the first machine to use faceted inserts (transparent inlaid plastic windows) in the playfield design. This game is super fast with a tricky u-turn tunnel, 3-bank drop-targets and 3 multiball modes. The artwork is truly badass and the music is sweet with a chorus of damsels urging you on while the Black Knight himself taunts you from his hellish steed.
Monday, May 2, 2011
You're Dead to Me: Platoon 2:19 PM
In this series we’ll be running through some films, books or T.V. shows that once illuminated our lives but now, have fallen from grace and are seen for the pale harlots they really are. In a fit of Justice I will bury, in my garden, the offending material.
In the Oscar winning best picture in 1986 Platoon:
We find a magnificent cast headed by Willem Dafoe and Tom Berenger. These two perfect men are played against each other in the now tired Good cop/Bad cop routine. Only this time the interrogative subject is you. Joined by a fantastic cast including; Francesco Quinn, Forest Whitaker, John Depp, the indefatigable Dale Dye and starring the conflicted Charles Sheen. The questioning posited in this film is really a lecture from Professor Stone.
Oliver Stone was in the army and stationed in Vietnam during the war. Clearly it had a profound effect on him. Just as clearly he has gone completely around the bend with just about every movie he has made since. Making every appearance of looking for villains while in actuality just regenerating the class warfare myth and the basest conspiracy theories. This has been common practice in Hollywood since the sixties. Wasn’t there something wrong with our country when Senator Kerry MA. (Then Officer Kerry of the Navy) came home from the war proud of his service and against the war? Finding a bank of network news cameras outside the White House, getting in front of them and throwing his medals over the fence yet keeping his ribbons!
I liked Platoon because of that superior feeling of pity for a group of people, in this case American soldiers being duped into sacrificing their very lives for an evil enterprise. Where the highest form of communication is outrage; in a world that only caters to the rich and powerful. But still, we're allowed to believe in the “Good” guys, with a Peter Pan like innocence. I can indulge myself, lose myself in manufactured sorrow on their behalf. It fit right into my worship of the anti-hero narrative so prevalent during the decade following our self-imposed Loss of the war. The heroes of this film teach us through regret. Remember Ginsberg’s admonition “do as we say not as we do.” So much for the sixties liberation counterculture. It’s more important to regret your ideology than be responsible for your actions. This responsibility is always put upon the leading man from above in the nouveau tragedies.
I am saddened I can't keep this emotional whirl-wind of a film any longer. To do so would make a mockery of my maturation and comprehension of America's place and responsibility in the world at large. To stand publicly and state an aversion to war, or to be a part of anti-war protests (which is what Platoon is), demonstrates the ultimate in straw-man arguments. War is to be abhorred and avoided at all costs! I think you'll get no argument from the soldiers of our Armed Forces. But to have the Liberty and affluence provided so people like Oliver Stone can spend the next thirty years making films castigating the United States and its volunteers. Well, that smells very much like shitting where you eat! So, I bury this once enjoyable, childish demonstration of acting out and I commit it to your memory.
B.I.H. U.B.L.
I am saddened I can't keep this emotional whirl-wind of a film any longer. To do so would make a mockery of my maturation and comprehension of America's place and responsibility in the world at large. To stand publicly and state an aversion to war, or to be a part of anti-war protests (which is what Platoon is), demonstrates the ultimate in straw-man arguments. War is to be abhorred and avoided at all costs! I think you'll get no argument from the soldiers of our Armed Forces. But to have the Liberty and affluence provided so people like Oliver Stone can spend the next thirty years making films castigating the United States and its volunteers. Well, that smells very much like shitting where you eat! So, I bury this once enjoyable, childish demonstration of acting out and I commit it to your memory.
B.I.H. U.B.L.
Friday, April 22, 2011
SHP Fan Letters: Nicolas Cage 9:55 PM
It looks like Nicolas Cage has gotten himself into more trouble. As if being on the IRS shit list isn’t enough (he owes 13 million in back taxes and has had to sell a mansion or two as a result), he was recently arrested in New Orleans for domestic violence, public drunkenness and disturbing the peace. TMZ posted a fantastic video of him arguing with his wife and others in a tattoo parlor before his arrest. I sent this letter to Nic a few days ago. I wanted to let him know that his true fans are rooting for him and I also asked him for an autograph. Click on the images below for a hi-res copy of the letter. If you would like to send Nicolas Cage a letter of your own, you can mail it to:
Nicolas Cage
Creative Artists Agency
2000 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, CA 90067
USA
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| Click to read the letter. |
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| I hope he autographs this. |
Sleeping Horse Pills really has been a longtime Cage fan. The very first paper issue of SHP that was published so many years ago by Verne H. Coleman and I includes a piece I wrote called Nicolas Cage: Amazes and Disgusts. In it, I review a handful of Nicolas Cage films that pretty much do exactly what the title says. The image on the left is an illustration that Verne did for the piece. It depicts Cage with what we imagined the tattoo he has on his back of a monitor lizard wearing a top hat might look like. If you’re interested, be sure to hit me up and I will send you a copy of that first issue. But be prepared, if you think my writing is crude and profane now, you’re in for a real treat!
One of the questions I asked Nicolas Cage to answer in my fan letter was what he was planning on getting tattooed before the unfortunate arrest. If they come back at all, responses to fan mail can take up to 3 months. Until then, here’s a short list of some tattoos I think he might have had in mind:
1. A reminder tattoo a la Memento that says:
1. Sell Mansion
2. Pay Taxes
3.
2. A chameleon, an iguana and a gecko holding hands and wearing a fedora, a sombrero and a bowler hat respectively.
3. “Kryptonite Sucks”
4. A music staff with the notes to the “Low Rider” bass line. Underneath it says “Let’s Ride”.
5. Finally getting around to covering up his Lisa Marie Presley tattoo, he was going to get a heart with a banner that reads “Alva”.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Five Pilgrims 5:08 PM
I have been watching a lot of teenager movies of late because my daughter is a teenager. Having eclipsed the average demographic by eighteen years myself I think I now qualify as an out of touch, not to be trusted, middle-aged old person. Having far more insight than any movie reviewer I’ve ever read, I thought I’d offer a few small insights I’ve seen in film recently.
First, let me mention the movie Easy A staring Emma Stone. This film pushed me over the edge into "creepy old guy in love with girl half his age". Look at the film's premise. Total modern/inclusive family that’s o.k. with any permutation of social standing in a southern California high school. Based on a Hawthorne novel set in supra puritanical times on the opposite coast with dire results. The Children/Adults are self imposing and policing morals in a post nuclear, thoroughly flaccid age.
The teenager films of the eighties (my teen years) were written by older sex starved perverts, resulting in a glut of deeply flawed “Do-it-yourself” films on how to bed the female interest. The zenith of which was John Hughes, with the elevated notion that the plain Jane was the one you were with in the first place, and whom was willing to give it all away the whole time. Oh yeah, and what you’re feeling is Love and this is the best way to lose your virginity. Basic concepts muddied once again by yet another generation. It must have worked, by the end of the 1980’s my only focus in life was to consummate my lust. The classic prime directive to make more people without a conscious understanding that the act was to make babies. This brings us full circle to my thirteen year old daughter and me watching films.
Friday night, recent weekend. Fire up the DVD player and put in a Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. The intro scene prior to the opening credits. My daughter looks to me in astonishment, “Are you crying already?” I was. Before the very start of the film I was swept away by catharsis. I recognized Scotty Pilgrim from many life times ago. I was instantly and personally sympathetic to the protagonist.
Because he was me.
What’s a Pilgrim? Why was John Wayne always calling everyone a Pilgrim? Well, in short, Pilgrim is a sort of western version of Hajji. But that’s unfair seeing that in this case the west has about a six hundred year head start on the Muslims. But that’s another story entirely. Pilgrim is a funny sort of word in that it’s not really in common usage. We tend to think in terms of the pre-founder style clothing of black and white with starched collars and funny hats. I was always focused on my positioning during the Thanksgiving season in school, so that under no circumstances would I end up being a Pilgrim instead of the Indian! A foolish perspective but not surprising. See, the real badasses, the people with real sand, were the Pilgrims; not the shiftless, lay about Indians of the Iroquois League. Again, another story. Shift your focus as you remember the old tales you heard about the Mayflower. Sure these people probably made shitty neighbors but they had the discipline to leave the only world they knew in order to commit wholly to a belief system. The term Pilgrim connotes more of a commitment to a trip abroad than stationary holy sacrifice. So what was Scott Pilgrims’s trip about? He never even left Toronto. Historically, in popular culture the pilgrim has represented the common man, or you.
Let’s go back to 1678 and the publication of The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan. Here, the main character “Christian” travels to a celestial city meeting characters along the way that represent virtues. Step forward three hundred and fifteen years and enjoy C.S. Lewis’ answer book The Pilgrims Regress, in which he focuses his laser wit and understanding at the phoniness, hypocrisy, and intellectual laziness of the modern world.
Billy Pilgrim. I used to set up all night and watch T.V. in the root cellar of my home. This spider rich environment was referred to as Boys Club. No Women Allowed. Not that any woman would ever volunteer to go into that dank, cold area. It was here in the days before the advent of Cable I would watch the three channels we had until the stations went off the air. One night ‘Slaughter House Five’ came on. The previews showed war, suggested time travel and I caught a whiff of a sage-like understanding by the protagonist. Since the original viewing I’ve read the book a couple of times. For the first time in my life someone else understood being unstuck in time and shifting periodically to an alien planet to make love to your film star zoo mate! Sure I wasn’t involved in the battle of the Bulge nor am I a doctor, but if this hadn’t been written before I met Vonnegut I would have thought someone was following me.
Scott Pilgrims journey is one of overcoming the gods' stumbling blocks represented by the Evil League of Seven X’s. So in each scene I get to enjoy not only an Odysseian struggle but also; I recall the chemically overwhelming inclusiveness of the age, the thunderous creativity of making music and the sexual yearning so palpable in a twenty year old.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Good Clean Fun Is Annoying 9:02 AM
Lately I have wondered at the groups of people in matching t-shirts, some in costumes, some with face paint, running around Downtown Austin every weekend as I am getting myself to work. I have seen them in groups of two or more, sprinting across intersections, assailing local businesses and walking in a circle; seemingly dazed, with heads bent towards a sheet of paper or a smart phone. I quickly realized that it was a large scale scavenger hunt of some kind, but did not know exactly what it was until recently.
I was unfortunate enough to have a close-up look at so many of these matching t-shirts the other day that I was able to glean some information from one of them. It took me a while to visually sort through the hundreds of sponsor logos and discern exactly what was going on but I finally saw the words "Downtown Dash" positioned just between the MGD Light (only 64 calories!), Miller Lite and Bacardi logos. Upon further investigation I found out that this was an activity produced by the Austin Sports and Social Club (Austin SCC), the same group that has organized the ever popular kickball league here in Central Texas.
I have many friends that participate in kickball leagues across the nation for fun, for sport, for meeting people and for casual sex. Cool. I myself have gotten out there and acted as a substitute on a well established kickball team (I was lousy on the field, but I feel like I really contributed at the after party). What I am talking about here is really more of an issue with the "Downtown Dash" scavenger hunt than kickball. The downtown dash is a scavenger hunt where teams decipher riddles and collect photographs or actual objects from around town and from local businesses. I think it's awesome to have an outlet for young 20-30 somethings to get together, socialize, be active and interact with peers. It's a great way to meet people if you happen to be new in town or just plain shy and besides that, it gets us away from our computers and social networking sites to go out and exercise while interacting with real human beings live and in person. Seriously.
However, while city wide scavenger hunts might give you the opportunity to meet people, connect with existing friends, discover a new city and exercise, what it doesn't do is give you a license to be a fucking asshole. Think for a moment before you are insanely rude to me while I'm at work. Understand that I might not be there to help you solve the riddle for the next clue in your professionally organized social event. Don't be a bitch because you don't understand that what you are doing has nothing to do with me or my employer. Try to recognize the fact that you are in a place of business. I know that you might only be aware of the 8 other people in your group "googling" the answer to a clue on their iphones. Your group is only one of hundreds that have been blissfully running around town, cutting people off and making it a nightmare for people that are here working or here to actually shop. So, in the brief moment it takes for you to look up from your phone and confront me with your ignorance, I hope the look on my face helps you realize that there are other things going on that don't involve you. I will be glad to help you, but I don't really give a shit if you don't finish in time to meet everybody at some lame sports bar for the after party.
College kids are great, they really are. But regressing towards our favorite childhood pastimes as an excuse to be a douchebag must also come with an equal progression towards becoming aware that the universe does not revolve around you.
To be honest, I'm just jealous that I'm not a college kid anymore. I would probably do it too if I didn't know that non-traditional students are a million times more annoying and uncomfortable at organized collegiate social events than they are in the classroom. The only scavenger hunt I would be truly excited to participate in would be if Elsa Maxwell herself came back from the grave and threw a party and that's not gonna happen anytime soon. So, I have decided to have the first annual Sleeping Horse Pills Downtown Dash! A preview of the items on the SHP scavenger hunt checklist can be viewed below. If you're not up for it, here is a link to the Austin SSC Downtown Dash site. See you downtown!!
1. A scab picked off the arm of the first junkie you see nodding off in the park.
2. Two VHS tapes from Dreamers with the words "Amateur", "Creampie", "Amazing"&
"Diaper" in the title.
3. A human hair either shorter than 3" or longer than 6" found inside a menu item from any
food trailer or taco stand.
4. A receipt from 6 different bars showing total paid for one shot per each team member of
your team.
5. A cardboard sign with the signature of the person who was standing at a busy intersection
holding it. The sign cannot include the phrase "Why Lie, I Need Beer" or the words
"Ninjas", "Smile" or "Jesus".
I was unfortunate enough to have a close-up look at so many of these matching t-shirts the other day that I was able to glean some information from one of them. It took me a while to visually sort through the hundreds of sponsor logos and discern exactly what was going on but I finally saw the words "Downtown Dash" positioned just between the MGD Light (only 64 calories!), Miller Lite and Bacardi logos. Upon further investigation I found out that this was an activity produced by the Austin Sports and Social Club (Austin SCC), the same group that has organized the ever popular kickball league here in Central Texas.
 |
| Good Clean Fun! |
I have many friends that participate in kickball leagues across the nation for fun, for sport, for meeting people and for casual sex. Cool. I myself have gotten out there and acted as a substitute on a well established kickball team (I was lousy on the field, but I feel like I really contributed at the after party). What I am talking about here is really more of an issue with the "Downtown Dash" scavenger hunt than kickball. The downtown dash is a scavenger hunt where teams decipher riddles and collect photographs or actual objects from around town and from local businesses. I think it's awesome to have an outlet for young 20-30 somethings to get together, socialize, be active and interact with peers. It's a great way to meet people if you happen to be new in town or just plain shy and besides that, it gets us away from our computers and social networking sites to go out and exercise while interacting with real human beings live and in person. Seriously.
 |
| Girls do it because it's a fun activity to do with their friends. Dudes do it because of these girls. |
However, while city wide scavenger hunts might give you the opportunity to meet people, connect with existing friends, discover a new city and exercise, what it doesn't do is give you a license to be a fucking asshole. Think for a moment before you are insanely rude to me while I'm at work. Understand that I might not be there to help you solve the riddle for the next clue in your professionally organized social event. Don't be a bitch because you don't understand that what you are doing has nothing to do with me or my employer. Try to recognize the fact that you are in a place of business. I know that you might only be aware of the 8 other people in your group "googling" the answer to a clue on their iphones. Your group is only one of hundreds that have been blissfully running around town, cutting people off and making it a nightmare for people that are here working or here to actually shop. So, in the brief moment it takes for you to look up from your phone and confront me with your ignorance, I hope the look on my face helps you realize that there are other things going on that don't involve you. I will be glad to help you, but I don't really give a shit if you don't finish in time to meet everybody at some lame sports bar for the after party.
 |
| "What the fuck do you mean you don't know where you keep whatever it is we think we're looking for?!" |
College kids are great, they really are. But regressing towards our favorite childhood pastimes as an excuse to be a douchebag must also come with an equal progression towards becoming aware that the universe does not revolve around you.
To be honest, I'm just jealous that I'm not a college kid anymore. I would probably do it too if I didn't know that non-traditional students are a million times more annoying and uncomfortable at organized collegiate social events than they are in the classroom. The only scavenger hunt I would be truly excited to participate in would be if Elsa Maxwell herself came back from the grave and threw a party and that's not gonna happen anytime soon. So, I have decided to have the first annual Sleeping Horse Pills Downtown Dash! A preview of the items on the SHP scavenger hunt checklist can be viewed below. If you're not up for it, here is a link to the Austin SSC Downtown Dash site. See you downtown!!
SLEEPING HORSE PILLS DOWNTOWN DASH SCAVENGER HUNT CHECKLIST:
1. A scab picked off the arm of the first junkie you see nodding off in the park.
2. Two VHS tapes from Dreamers with the words "Amateur", "Creampie", "Amazing"&
"Diaper" in the title.
3. A human hair either shorter than 3" or longer than 6" found inside a menu item from any
food trailer or taco stand.
4. A receipt from 6 different bars showing total paid for one shot per each team member of
your team.
5. A cardboard sign with the signature of the person who was standing at a busy intersection
holding it. The sign cannot include the phrase "Why Lie, I Need Beer" or the words
"Ninjas", "Smile" or "Jesus".
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Palehorse Does SXSW 11:26 PM
Sleeping Horse Pills is pleased to announce the return of the Palehorse! A contributor since the very first paper issue of SHP, Palehorse has shared everything from tips for online gambling to recipes for bachelors on a budget. The Palehorse climbs back in the saddle with a recap of his experiences during SXSW 2011. We sincerely hope that it is the straw that breaks the camel's back of your tolerance for "all things SXSW" this year. We would have gotten it to you sooner but the Palehorse, just this moment, recovered from his hangover.
PALEHORSESOUTHBY2011 by The Palehorse
Oh, Dear SHP Readers.... how I've missed you! Since my last contribution, a lot has changed in my life. I started going to a new yoga class, added French and Italian to my List Of Foreign Languages I'll Never Take The Time To Learn and finally, gave up on flossing.
A month or so ago, Rocky found me on Gchat to see if I'd toss some scribbles his way for SHP 2.0. I sent him a draft about the time, after hitting up Mugshots for last call, I awoke a few days later to find out I had been bought by a wealthy businessman to be his son's "live-in friend" for a week. Rocky is apparently a fan of Richard Pryor. He started typing in ALLCAPS, and the conversation was over. That next morning I received a fax that simply read: SXSW RECAP! (he also added a few obscene drawings).
My favorite part of SouthBy is the schedule. The 70 page list of free events from Wed-Sun. Breaking that down -by day, -by priority, -by trash and of course, -by free booze. I seriously lose interest in world news, sports scores.... My daily focus for 5 days is the time and location of an artist I wouldn't mind checking out. At the same time, I love to stray off the path I've created and meet up with a group for some cheap drinks at Sidebar or catch a random band here and there. I just love having OPTIONS! That's how it's been the last few years, running around from Noon-2am everyday. I seriously doubt I'll be able to continue that pace in the years to come.
This year's Southby may be one of my favorites. Everything about it: the weather, the friends, the new venues and no severe damages like lost ID/phone, or arrest! Just a couple bruises and a few scrapes...
Saw some old faves (Menomena, Ted Leo, J Mascis, Cave Singers) who, of course, were spectacular. Odd Future at MessWithTexas was like nothing I had ever seen, and I don't think I ever will again. Got a chance to see Thee Oh Sees in two very different settings, and their energy for both was to the MAX. Definitely a band you have to see live rather than form an opinion based on recordings.
There were countless times this year that were so enjoyable and amazing, but these 3 for me were extremely surprising and magical:
MELLOWHYPE and BASSDRUMOFDEATH: DeVille, Wed. afternoon.
I had already been walking around for a couple hours, hopping into various venues to find freebies. After meeting up with SuperSonic James at RedEyedFly and downing all the free Trumer Pils we could, we decided to go see what exactly a MellowHype was.
I knew very little at the time:
1. It had something to do with OddFuture.
2. It was their first SXSW performance.
It turned out to be the "performance to beat" for the rest of the week. Hodgy Beats and Left Brain were on fire and unlike previous years, DeVille was not packed at all. Of course, when the entire Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All crew jumped on stage, people started to Lose. Their. Shit! I think BASSDRUMOFDEATH knew they would have to come out and just kill it for the crowd energy to stay on the same level and they did not disappoint at all. It was a 1-2 punch of hiphop/garagerock that left us in awe and set the bar for the rest of the week.
GAYNGS: Red 7, Secret Guest Slot. Wednesday night.
What. A. Wednesday! After Club DeVille and an Eastside Bar Tour, I knew I had to make my way to Red 7 for the Jagjaguwar Showcase, since it would be the only chance for me to catch the Cave Singers during this SouthBy. They were honestly the only reason I was going to the Showcase, and to me, worth the $20 I was assuming would be the door price along with waiting in line for 30 minutes at the very least. As I walked up to the club, a line 20 deep had already formed, everyone wearing wristbands or dangling badges. Just to make sure I wasn't wasting my time, I went and asked the door girls if they were even accepting cash for entrance into the showcase. "Oh, the line for cash starts here" she said, and pointed two feet to her left, reaching out her hand for my money.
SuperSonic James was able to get in just as easily and as we were discussing how we had just waltzed in for $15 while $300 wristbanders were STILL waiting in line, a crowd started to form onstage. After two notes of the guitar soundcheck my jaw hit the floor. I had completely forgot there was a Suprise Guest and had already chalked Gayngs up as a band I wouldn't get a chance to see this week. They played a relatively short set, but you could tell just how much fun they were all having that night. I had their album in my Top 5 of last year, and it's an album you MUST listen to from start to finish to truly enjoy. That usually makes it more difficult to transition to a live performance, but Gayngs has figured out what needs to be added and what parts are better suited just for the record.
WYEOAK: Swan Dive, Brooklyn Vegan Day Party. Friday afternoon.
Friday was the start of my four-day hangover.
This didn't stop me from drinking, though I probably should have passed on the free tequila mixes that were constantly flowing. But hey, free is free. I feel like I walked about 20 miles on Friday alone. The original plan was to meet up with Rocky at Scoot Inn for Odd Future and Pentagram so I slurped down my third disgusting margarita and trekked to the Eastside. Walking up to Scoot, the line literally wrapped around the entire venue and into the streets. A volunteer kept shouting, "We're at capacity, you're not getting in!" but no one was moving, listening. I informed Rocky of the bad news and decided to head back to the Brooklyn Vegan party. After grabbing some free vegan treats outside, I decided to check out who was playing inside. The above video is the song I walked into (if you look closely you can see me). Not knowing anything at all about Wye Oak, they completely blew me away. First, the sound quality at Swan Dive was spot on. Every band I saw there benefited from it greatly. And of course, if you're a girl that shreds on a guitar, you've got my attention. Maybe it was the fact that I had just previously struck out on a show I really wanted to see, but Wye Oak's set gave me my second wind, and prolonged that shitty hangover feeling until Saturday.
PALEHORSESOUTHBY2011 by The Palehorse
Oh, Dear SHP Readers.... how I've missed you! Since my last contribution, a lot has changed in my life. I started going to a new yoga class, added French and Italian to my List Of Foreign Languages I'll Never Take The Time To Learn and finally, gave up on flossing.
A month or so ago, Rocky found me on Gchat to see if I'd toss some scribbles his way for SHP 2.0. I sent him a draft about the time, after hitting up Mugshots for last call, I awoke a few days later to find out I had been bought by a wealthy businessman to be his son's "live-in friend" for a week. Rocky is apparently a fan of Richard Pryor. He started typing in ALLCAPS, and the conversation was over. That next morning I received a fax that simply read: SXSW RECAP! (he also added a few obscene drawings).
My favorite part of SouthBy is the schedule. The 70 page list of free events from Wed-Sun. Breaking that down -by day, -by priority, -by trash and of course, -by free booze. I seriously lose interest in world news, sports scores.... My daily focus for 5 days is the time and location of an artist I wouldn't mind checking out. At the same time, I love to stray off the path I've created and meet up with a group for some cheap drinks at Sidebar or catch a random band here and there. I just love having OPTIONS! That's how it's been the last few years, running around from Noon-2am everyday. I seriously doubt I'll be able to continue that pace in the years to come.
This year's Southby may be one of my favorites. Everything about it: the weather, the friends, the new venues and no severe damages like lost ID/phone, or arrest! Just a couple bruises and a few scrapes...
 |
| Palehorse + Free SXSW Beer = Awesome |
Saw some old faves (Menomena, Ted Leo, J Mascis, Cave Singers) who, of course, were spectacular. Odd Future at MessWithTexas was like nothing I had ever seen, and I don't think I ever will again. Got a chance to see Thee Oh Sees in two very different settings, and their energy for both was to the MAX. Definitely a band you have to see live rather than form an opinion based on recordings.
There were countless times this year that were so enjoyable and amazing, but these 3 for me were extremely surprising and magical:
MELLOWHYPE and BASSDRUMOFDEATH: DeVille, Wed. afternoon.
I had already been walking around for a couple hours, hopping into various venues to find freebies. After meeting up with SuperSonic James at RedEyedFly and downing all the free Trumer Pils we could, we decided to go see what exactly a MellowHype was.
I knew very little at the time:
1. It had something to do with OddFuture.
2. It was their first SXSW performance.
It turned out to be the "performance to beat" for the rest of the week. Hodgy Beats and Left Brain were on fire and unlike previous years, DeVille was not packed at all. Of course, when the entire Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All crew jumped on stage, people started to Lose. Their. Shit! I think BASSDRUMOFDEATH knew they would have to come out and just kill it for the crowd energy to stay on the same level and they did not disappoint at all. It was a 1-2 punch of hiphop/garagerock that left us in awe and set the bar for the rest of the week.
GAYNGS: Red 7, Secret Guest Slot. Wednesday night.
What. A. Wednesday! After Club DeVille and an Eastside Bar Tour, I knew I had to make my way to Red 7 for the Jagjaguwar Showcase, since it would be the only chance for me to catch the Cave Singers during this SouthBy. They were honestly the only reason I was going to the Showcase, and to me, worth the $20 I was assuming would be the door price along with waiting in line for 30 minutes at the very least. As I walked up to the club, a line 20 deep had already formed, everyone wearing wristbands or dangling badges. Just to make sure I wasn't wasting my time, I went and asked the door girls if they were even accepting cash for entrance into the showcase. "Oh, the line for cash starts here" she said, and pointed two feet to her left, reaching out her hand for my money.
SuperSonic James was able to get in just as easily and as we were discussing how we had just waltzed in for $15 while $300 wristbanders were STILL waiting in line, a crowd started to form onstage. After two notes of the guitar soundcheck my jaw hit the floor. I had completely forgot there was a Suprise Guest and had already chalked Gayngs up as a band I wouldn't get a chance to see this week. They played a relatively short set, but you could tell just how much fun they were all having that night. I had their album in my Top 5 of last year, and it's an album you MUST listen to from start to finish to truly enjoy. That usually makes it more difficult to transition to a live performance, but Gayngs has figured out what needs to be added and what parts are better suited just for the record.
WYEOAK: Swan Dive, Brooklyn Vegan Day Party. Friday afternoon.
Friday was the start of my four-day hangover.
This didn't stop me from drinking, though I probably should have passed on the free tequila mixes that were constantly flowing. But hey, free is free. I feel like I walked about 20 miles on Friday alone. The original plan was to meet up with Rocky at Scoot Inn for Odd Future and Pentagram so I slurped down my third disgusting margarita and trekked to the Eastside. Walking up to Scoot, the line literally wrapped around the entire venue and into the streets. A volunteer kept shouting, "We're at capacity, you're not getting in!" but no one was moving, listening. I informed Rocky of the bad news and decided to head back to the Brooklyn Vegan party. After grabbing some free vegan treats outside, I decided to check out who was playing inside. The above video is the song I walked into (if you look closely you can see me). Not knowing anything at all about Wye Oak, they completely blew me away. First, the sound quality at Swan Dive was spot on. Every band I saw there benefited from it greatly. And of course, if you're a girl that shreds on a guitar, you've got my attention. Maybe it was the fact that I had just previously struck out on a show I really wanted to see, but Wye Oak's set gave me my second wind, and prolonged that shitty hangover feeling until Saturday.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Medium Rotation: Shock of the New 1:26 PM
Here are a couple new records I got recently. Medium Rotation: Shock of the New will feature records that aren't necessarily new, but they will be recently acquired and so therefore new to me. You can hit the players to listen to the tracks. The recording is shitty because it's just me holding a mic up to my shitty speakers. I like that though. It reminds me of when I would sit in front of my boom box with my finger on the pause button so I could try and record a new song off the radio onto a cassette.
OFF! Compared to What / Rotten Apple 7" Tour Version
OFF! went into the studio in February to record a couple tracks for this new 7" on Southern Lord. They wanted to get it done quick so they would have something for the tour and it shows because it's got the same live and urgent sound that exemplifies everything this furiously focused punk outfit has done so far. This is the limited Tour Version of the record which features a sweet Vans print by Aaron Edge Design and heavy ass blue vinyl. If you missed out you probably won't be able to get one unless you see them on their current tour. The official Southern Lord release is scheduled for Record Store Day in April and I think they are releasing a couple of cool versions then as well.
The original lyrics to Compared To What by Gene McDaniels sound as if they were written just so Keith Morris could yell/snarl/scream the fuck out of them. The song was made popular by Roberta Flack and OFF! has written completely original music for this version. The B-side is Rotten Apple and although it never seems like OFF! is trying to re-live or re-create the glory days of punk, this track confirms that they are still pissed off(!).
Destroyer / Black Mountain Quiet Weather Singles Series
I recently got to see Destroyer perform during their tour in support of their new album Kaputt. The sound is completely different than anything they have ever done before and Daniel Bejar has put down the guitar, preferring to concentrate on delivering his intricate manipulation of the English language while taking countless sips of any alcohol within reach. The new album is incredible and it's awesome seeing them pull it off live.
I got lucky and found this 7" split at the merch table. There were only 500 copies pressed in 2004 by Spirit of Orr Records. It's on white vinyl and Black Mountain's Bicycle Man is the B-side to the Destroyer track Jackie, Dressed in Cobras.
The Destroyer track is basically just Daniel Bejar recording a demo of Jackie, Dressed in Cobras at home. It sounds awesome because it's a simple little jam with Bejar recording a few vocal tracks of his insanely cool lyrics over the top. It is from (before this new album) the era of Destroyer that I have always enjoyed most, 2004's Your Blues spanning back through Streethawk: A Seduction and Thief. The New Pornographer's released their version of the song on 2005's Twin Cinemas. It's nowhere near as good as this demo. I've never been a New Pornographers fan and I have always wondered why Bejar continues to give them what is always their best material.
I was unfamiliar with Black Mountain until listening to Bicycle Man on the B-side of this record. It immediately reminded me of Dead Moon. These Canadians have got a sound I like: Take the barest minimum of chords and then play them as hard and as tough and as dirty as you can.
OFF! Compared to What / Rotten Apple 7" Tour Version
OFF! went into the studio in February to record a couple tracks for this new 7" on Southern Lord. They wanted to get it done quick so they would have something for the tour and it shows because it's got the same live and urgent sound that exemplifies everything this furiously focused punk outfit has done so far. This is the limited Tour Version of the record which features a sweet Vans print by Aaron Edge Design and heavy ass blue vinyl. If you missed out you probably won't be able to get one unless you see them on their current tour. The official Southern Lord release is scheduled for Record Store Day in April and I think they are releasing a couple of cool versions then as well.
The original lyrics to Compared To What by Gene McDaniels sound as if they were written just so Keith Morris could yell/snarl/scream the fuck out of them. The song was made popular by Roberta Flack and OFF! has written completely original music for this version. The B-side is Rotten Apple and although it never seems like OFF! is trying to re-live or re-create the glory days of punk, this track confirms that they are still pissed off(!).
Destroyer / Black Mountain Quiet Weather Singles Series
I recently got to see Destroyer perform during their tour in support of their new album Kaputt. The sound is completely different than anything they have ever done before and Daniel Bejar has put down the guitar, preferring to concentrate on delivering his intricate manipulation of the English language while taking countless sips of any alcohol within reach. The new album is incredible and it's awesome seeing them pull it off live.
I got lucky and found this 7" split at the merch table. There were only 500 copies pressed in 2004 by Spirit of Orr Records. It's on white vinyl and Black Mountain's Bicycle Man is the B-side to the Destroyer track Jackie, Dressed in Cobras.
The Destroyer track is basically just Daniel Bejar recording a demo of Jackie, Dressed in Cobras at home. It sounds awesome because it's a simple little jam with Bejar recording a few vocal tracks of his insanely cool lyrics over the top. It is from (before this new album) the era of Destroyer that I have always enjoyed most, 2004's Your Blues spanning back through Streethawk: A Seduction and Thief. The New Pornographer's released their version of the song on 2005's Twin Cinemas. It's nowhere near as good as this demo. I've never been a New Pornographers fan and I have always wondered why Bejar continues to give them what is always their best material.
I was unfamiliar with Black Mountain until listening to Bicycle Man on the B-side of this record. It immediately reminded me of Dead Moon. These Canadians have got a sound I like: Take the barest minimum of chords and then play them as hard and as tough and as dirty as you can.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
SXSHP 8:36 PM
The South by Southwest (SXSW) Film and Music festival is set to once again descend upon Austin. In its 25th year, this annual springtime event has become the bloated, over the top display of excess and debauchery that one would expect from such a celebrated convention of independent films, talented young bands and most importantly, the by-product of their exploitation; HUGE piles of money.
Although the Film part of the festival is gaining momentum, the Music has always been the big draw with SXSW boasting over 2,000 performers playing in more than 90 venues in Austin during four "official" days of the festival. The "official" title is an important part of learning how to navigate this carnival.
SXSW has lost much of what made it so special in the beginning. Although it has always been a music industry trade conference in the guise of a festival, it really was a way of showcasing exciting new talent and giving them exposure and an opportunity to play for people who could help make their dreams come true. Who hasn't heard the legendary tales of bands being signed while sharing a steaming piss trough with a record executive at Emo's after a good set. You could end up shaking hands with some record label asshole so fucking high on coke that everything sounds like heaven to him and end up on a world tour by July. Now, it just seems like an excuse for music industry folks to come party and eat BBQ once a year.
Despite the beast that is SXSW, the last 5 years that I have attended in varying degrees, I have made some amazing memories....
- Getting tattooed with the Destiny Friends crew.
- Seeing Fucked Up play the Lamar Pedestrian Bridge at 2am and yelling "J! Hey J!" while trying to get the attention of J. Mascis who was also in attendance.
- Verne H. Coleman and I getting free wristbands for showing up too late to Yo La Tengo at the Parish.
- Interviewing Georgia Hubley after a set at the French Legation.
- Throwing Dice on the Mugshots pool table.
- Pelican killing it at 9am with free beer.
- Early incarnation of Fleshlights playing a set in a front yard next to the French Legation.
So, despite having to deal with a ton of pretentious assholes, the usual hipster, scene-maker bullshit and getting gouged by every business in town right along with the tourists, SXSW can be a shitload of good times!
Sleeping Horse Pills Guide to Making Future Memories at SXSW:
- Fuck your Badge! 90% of the people that have badges hanging around their necks are assholes that treat you like shit because you are a true fan getting in their way of enjoying a company sponsored circle jerk. If they look down their nose at you, I suggest sticking a finger down your throat and puking Hot Dog King and free beer all over their sweet kicks.
- Get there early for free beer and food. Get your shit together man, hangovers are not allowed.
- Don't do anything "official". There are enough free parties and every band that matters will play these with as much if not more gusto as the badge or invite only shows.
- Don't get a tattoo anywhere near 6th street. You will be woefully overcharged. Check out Triple Crown on the East Side.
- Learn to play Craps or Cee-Lo. Dice are super portable, you might get bored, gambling is fun and you might win back some of the money you spent at all the free shows.
- Don't take anything from anybody passing out "free shit" on the street. It's worthless crap and you will end up with an armload of trash advertising consumer goods from A-Z.
- The blow and booze and pills and shitty Tex-Mex is gonna fuck with your insides. If you get to a safe, "non-festival" toilet, take your time and take advantage.
- If you can't get in somewhere, suck it up and move on. You probably don't want to hang out with those assholes anyway.
- Purchase the bulk of your illicit substances just before the craziness starts. Meeting up with your guy if he's not already tapped out will be hard during the week. Don't stock up too soon though because if you're like me, you'll taste it and then you'll be trying to meet up with your guy during the week.
Although the Film part of the festival is gaining momentum, the Music has always been the big draw with SXSW boasting over 2,000 performers playing in more than 90 venues in Austin during four "official" days of the festival. The "official" title is an important part of learning how to navigate this carnival.
SXSW has lost much of what made it so special in the beginning. Although it has always been a music industry trade conference in the guise of a festival, it really was a way of showcasing exciting new talent and giving them exposure and an opportunity to play for people who could help make their dreams come true. Who hasn't heard the legendary tales of bands being signed while sharing a steaming piss trough with a record executive at Emo's after a good set. You could end up shaking hands with some record label asshole so fucking high on coke that everything sounds like heaven to him and end up on a world tour by July. Now, it just seems like an excuse for music industry folks to come party and eat BBQ once a year.
Despite the beast that is SXSW, the last 5 years that I have attended in varying degrees, I have made some amazing memories....
- Getting tattooed with the Destiny Friends crew.
- Seeing Fucked Up play the Lamar Pedestrian Bridge at 2am and yelling "J! Hey J!" while trying to get the attention of J. Mascis who was also in attendance.
- Verne H. Coleman and I getting free wristbands for showing up too late to Yo La Tengo at the Parish.
- Interviewing Georgia Hubley after a set at the French Legation.
- Throwing Dice on the Mugshots pool table.
- Pelican killing it at 9am with free beer.
- Early incarnation of Fleshlights playing a set in a front yard next to the French Legation.
 |
| Fucked Up on Lamar Pedestrian Bridge 2am ©Esther Lin |
So, despite having to deal with a ton of pretentious assholes, the usual hipster, scene-maker bullshit and getting gouged by every business in town right along with the tourists, SXSW can be a shitload of good times!
Sleeping Horse Pills Guide to Making Future Memories at SXSW:
- Fuck your Badge! 90% of the people that have badges hanging around their necks are assholes that treat you like shit because you are a true fan getting in their way of enjoying a company sponsored circle jerk. If they look down their nose at you, I suggest sticking a finger down your throat and puking Hot Dog King and free beer all over their sweet kicks.
- Get there early for free beer and food. Get your shit together man, hangovers are not allowed.
- Don't do anything "official". There are enough free parties and every band that matters will play these with as much if not more gusto as the badge or invite only shows.
- Don't get a tattoo anywhere near 6th street. You will be woefully overcharged. Check out Triple Crown on the East Side.
- Learn to play Craps or Cee-Lo. Dice are super portable, you might get bored, gambling is fun and you might win back some of the money you spent at all the free shows.
- Don't take anything from anybody passing out "free shit" on the street. It's worthless crap and you will end up with an armload of trash advertising consumer goods from A-Z.
- The blow and booze and pills and shitty Tex-Mex is gonna fuck with your insides. If you get to a safe, "non-festival" toilet, take your time and take advantage.
- If you can't get in somewhere, suck it up and move on. You probably don't want to hang out with those assholes anyway.
- Purchase the bulk of your illicit substances just before the craziness starts. Meeting up with your guy if he's not already tapped out will be hard during the week. Don't stock up too soon though because if you're like me, you'll taste it and then you'll be trying to meet up with your guy during the week.
If you have any memories or survival tips please share them in the comments. Enjoy yourselves and I hope to see one or two of you going wild in the streets!
