Good Clean Fun Is Annoying

Lately I have wondered at the groups of people in matching t-shirts, some in costumes, some with face paint, running around Downtown Austin every weekend as I am getting myself to work.  I have seen them in groups of two or more, sprinting across intersections, assailing local businesses and walking in a circle; seemingly dazed, with heads bent towards a sheet of paper or a smart phone.  I quickly realized that it was a large scale scavenger hunt of some kind, but did not know exactly what it was until recently.

I was unfortunate enough to have a close-up look at so many of these matching t-shirts the other day that I was able to glean some information from one of them.  It took me a while to visually sort through the hundreds of sponsor logos and discern exactly what was going on but I finally saw the words "Downtown Dash" positioned just between the MGD Light (only 64 calories!), Miller Lite and Bacardi logos.  Upon further investigation I found out that this was an activity produced by the Austin Sports and Social Club (Austin SCC), the same group that has organized the ever popular kickball league here in Central Texas.

Good Clean Fun!

 I have many friends that participate in kickball leagues across the nation for fun, for sport, for meeting people and for casual sex.  Cool.  I myself have gotten out there and acted as a substitute on a well established kickball team (I was lousy on the field, but I feel like I really contributed at the after party).  What I am talking about here is really more of an issue with the "Downtown Dash" scavenger hunt than kickball.  The downtown dash is a scavenger hunt where teams decipher riddles and collect photographs or actual objects from around town and from local businesses.  I think it's awesome to have an outlet for young 20-30 somethings to get together, socialize, be active and interact with peers.  It's a great way to meet people if you happen to be new in town or just plain shy and besides that, it gets us away from our computers and social networking sites to go out and exercise while interacting with real human beings live and in person.  Seriously.

Girls do it because it's a fun activity to do with their friends.  Dudes do it because of these girls.

However, while city wide scavenger hunts might give you the opportunity to meet people, connect with existing friends, discover a new city and exercise, what it doesn't do is give you a license to be a fucking asshole.  Think for a moment before you are insanely rude to me while I'm at work.  Understand that I might not be there to help you solve the riddle for the next clue in your professionally organized social event.  Don't be a bitch because you don't understand that what you are doing has nothing to do with me or my employer.  Try to recognize the fact that you are in a place of business.  I know that you might only be aware of the 8 other people in your group "googling" the answer to a clue on their iphones.  Your group is only one of hundreds that have been blissfully running around town, cutting people off and making it a nightmare for people that are here working or here to actually shop.  So,  in the brief moment it takes for you to look up from your phone and confront me with your ignorance, I hope the look on my face helps you realize that there are other things going on that don't involve you.  I will be glad to help you, but I don't really give a shit if you don't finish in time to meet everybody at some lame sports bar for the after party.

"What the fuck do you mean you don't know where you keep whatever it is we think we're looking for?!"

College kids are great, they really are.  But regressing towards our favorite childhood pastimes as an excuse to be a douchebag must also come with an equal progression towards becoming aware that the universe does not revolve around you.

To be honest, I'm just jealous that I'm not a college kid anymore. I would probably do it too if I didn't know that non-traditional students are a million times more annoying and uncomfortable at organized collegiate social events than they are in the classroom.  The only scavenger hunt I would be truly excited to participate in would be if Elsa Maxwell herself came back from the grave and threw a party and that's not gonna happen anytime soon.  So, I have decided to have the first annual Sleeping Horse Pills Downtown Dash!  A preview of the items on the SHP scavenger hunt checklist can be viewed below.  If you're not up for it, here is a link to the Austin SSC Downtown Dash site.  See you downtown!!

SLEEPING HORSE PILLS DOWNTOWN DASH SCAVENGER HUNT CHECKLIST:

    1.  A scab picked off the arm of the first junkie you see nodding off in the park.


    2.  Two VHS tapes from Dreamers with the words "Amateur", "Creampie", "Amazing"& 
         "Diaper" in the title.                  


    3.  A human hair either shorter than 3" or longer than 6" found inside a menu item from any 
         food trailer or taco stand.


   4.  A receipt from 6 different bars showing total paid for one shot per each team member of 
        your team.


   5.  A cardboard sign with the signature of the person who was standing at a busy intersection 
        holding it.  The sign cannot include the phrase "Why Lie, I Need Beer" or the words 
        "Ninjas", "Smile" or "Jesus".