There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.... or a sandal, or a boot. Wait, what the fuck is that thing?? 1:03 PM

Man, fashion trends come and go so quickly it makes my goddamn head spin.  I don't claim to know anything about fashion myself, but there are definitely some trends I was glad to see come to an end. 

Remember a few years back when girls went out of their way to have visible thongs?  I think this practice, affectionately called a "Whale Tail", was titillating to some dudes because I guess they thought that a chick willing to accentuate their ass cleavage with some prominent lingerie, was a chick they had better chances of hooking up with after too many red bull and vodkas at some shitty college bar on 6th street.




There were a lot of things wrong with the visible thong trend, but it's only one of the many things wrong with this picture....

Remember when Crocs were sweeping the nation?  What the hell happened there?  It was like one summer those ugly, multi-colored plastic sandals were being sought out and worn by everybody.  It was like the TOM's of 2003.  The popularity and over saturation of Tom's shoes is annoying but much more palatable than Crocs.  Now, the only people you see wearing Crocs are children under 12.  Why?  Because, besides ER nurses, children are the only people that can pull of wearing fucking clown shoes without looking like a complete idiot.

 

Speaking of questionable footwear trends, the summer of 2010 has been host to a few of it's own objectionable fixtures for the fashion conscious foot.  I broke out the Sleeping Horse Pills Sniper-Cam to bring you:

The Worst Summer Footwear Trends Of 2010 

There was something happening in the world of women's sandals this summer that made absolutely no sense to me.  It was like somebody took those loose fitting ankle boots that were so popular in the 80's and said "Hey man, I love those boots that Molly's rockin' in Sixteen Candles, but it's summer and it's so hot.  Fuck it man, cut some holes in that shit, let's go!" 

It's hard to say exactly what's going on here.  Is she wearing sandals because she's shopping and hanging out on a hot summer day or is she sporting the retro ankle boots because she's about to do some fat lines on the back of the toilet in Elysium and dance to Tainted Love on 80's night?

Being confusing really isn't the worst part about these.  I guess the real problem is that they're fucking ugly. 

Seriously.  I can't even pretend to have a discussion about Form vs. Function with this and it doesn't really matter.  That shit just looks straight up silly.

I don't even know where to begin with these....

Apparently these were designed for runners who prefer to run barefoot.  They're called Vibram FiveFingers (Am I missing something here?  Did they originally set out to design gloves, ended up designing ugly shoes and just forget to change the name to something a little more extremity specific?)  and they set you back $75.  These things are just barely acceptable if you really are a runner, but even then, the minute one stops running they need to remove them and hide them so that nobody knows they own a pair.

You know you're doing something wrong if whenever you're asked about something you're wearing, your immediate response is to justify it with the excuse that it's really, really comfortable.  Okay, I get it.  It doesn't change the fact that 90% of the people I see wearing these are nowhere close to being runners and I have to wince a little whenever I see someone in them.  Ugly and ridiculous don't even come close to describing these.  They make those Double Complete Rainbow colored Crocs look like a goddamn pair of Berluti Rapiécés Reprisés!

Hit the jump to see the complete gallery of the 2010 summer footwear trends we hope don't survive the winter to haunt us again next summer.  Sleeping Horse Pills encourages you to grab your smartphones and practice your sniper skills.  Send examples of how these fashion eyesores appear in your own neighborhood to shpestamuerto@gmail.com.

Back Issues 11:10 AM

Sleeping Horse Pills is still best enjoyed while cranking one out on the throne.  In bed before you go to sleep, lounging by the pool, on the bus and in the library are all excellent places to catch up on your reading, but SHP maintains that the best place and time for perusing your literature of choice is while performing your (hopefully) daily movement.  It's a good opportunity for some uninterrupted alone time and in the right situation, can really be productive.  I pretty much got through most of Finnegan's Wake in the aftermath of chasing the Atomic wings with a $5 Milkshake at the Alamo Drafthouse.

Anyway, it's hard to keep this current incarnation of Sleeping Horse Pills on the back of your toilet unless you wasted money on the 3G i-pad.

No need to worry for those of you that took our advice and used those first few issues for toilet paper or for those of you that simply missed it the first time around, back issues are available!  Check out these hard to find early issues of Sleeping Horse Pills.

Issue #1:  Nic Cage amazes and disgusts.  Palehorse discusses online gambling.  Interview with a Baby Eater.  Marcus is a Birthday Boy.  Then Blumenfeld Siamese Triplets.  Javier Mudvayne and Isabel Darf endorse the zine.  Rock & Roll and much much more in this inaugural issue!

 

Issue #2:  Francois is Under Pressure.  Sex Sells.  Chef Palehorse.  Rocky's mom talks about worms.  Karg's Winter Penis Parade.  Music Review.  Little People in Film.  A Lonesome Kid.  Inside Cover art and an Intro to Beat the Band.

 Issue #3:  Georgia Hubley interview.  Election Excursion at the Fiesta.  In-depth exploration of Candy Stripers.  What's in your Vegina?  Phone sex with Francois.  A Dead Bird in the Driveway and a Fork in the Lawn with Palehorse.  SHP Mad Libs and Wolf Boy.  Nutritional Facts.














I am still offering these collectibles free of charge!  They are 100% compostable and look great on the back of a low-flow toilet for you "save the Earth" folks.  They look sweet when you toss em' out the window doing 85 mph down I35 for the "me first, then the Earth" people.  You can't hollow them out and stash guns or drugs inside them, but they'll do alright for rolling papers in a pinch.  Either way, they are limited in quality before they disappear forever and you can get them by sending a request to shpestamuerto@gmail.com.

Back From the Grave! 10:50 PM

"Time is tugging at me like an elephant, and the dogs are tugging at my heart"
                                                                - Werner Herzog
                                                                   Conquest of the Useless



If I had a nickel for everyone who just said "holy shit, I thought Sleeping Horse Pills was gone forever!" I'd still be a few cents short of an 85¢ taco at the Tamale House.

It's true, the paper version of this legendary zine was born and was buried on east side Austin porches.  The years have flown by and much has changed.  However, the upcoming release of TRON: Legacy got me thinking.  If Kevin Flynn can still be battling the Master Control Panel after after all these years, then Sleeping Horse Pills could be resurrected in the realm of cyberspace as well.

So, I traded in my x-acto blade and rubber cement for control click and cut copy paste.  The best part is that not only has the zine suddenly risen from the ashes like some post apocalyptic zombie ready to tear some shit up, but the ol' i-mac G5 has found new life as something other than a vehicle for internet porn or the magic box that allows me to do some spying on Facebook.  So, once again dear reader, I bring you all the serious bullshit, straight faced hilarity and educational retardedness free for your consumption!

Verne H. Coleman:  The Babiest of baby faces

I am sad to say that I am flying solo with this project.  There is only one set of footprints in the sand and the missing footprints don't belong to Jesus.  No my friends, SHP carries on without the aid of one Mr. Verne H. Coleman.

I still see Verne every now and again and I assure you he is doing well.  The next time I see him I will see if I can grill him up a double cheeseburger with pickled jalapenos (a dietary staple of the original Sleeping Horse Pills), buy him a Lonestar and conduct an interview so that fans of SHP will know if Verne still holds the secret as to why the smallest woman in the world was laughing.

Well, that's about it for now.  Be sure to follow SHP, comment freely and tell all your friends.  For creative contributions, info on where to send materials for review, hate mail and other shit, hit me up at shpestamuerto@gmail.com.   

I hope you enjoyed the short video at the top of the post and the layout.  I have had to teach myself everything about the nature of such things and it has proven to be just as taxing as scamming Kinko's/FedEx for copies until 1am, half drunk, riding the rails until the stapling is done.

Yours.

Rocky Dennis.