There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.... or a sandal, or a boot. Wait, what the fuck is that thing??

Man, fashion trends come and go so quickly it makes my goddamn head spin.  I don't claim to know anything about fashion myself, but there are definitely some trends I was glad to see come to an end. 

Remember a few years back when girls went out of their way to have visible thongs?  I think this practice, affectionately called a "Whale Tail", was titillating to some dudes because I guess they thought that a chick willing to accentuate their ass cleavage with some prominent lingerie, was a chick they had better chances of hooking up with after too many red bull and vodkas at some shitty college bar on 6th street.




There were a lot of things wrong with the visible thong trend, but it's only one of the many things wrong with this picture....

Remember when Crocs were sweeping the nation?  What the hell happened there?  It was like one summer those ugly, multi-colored plastic sandals were being sought out and worn by everybody.  It was like the TOM's of 2003.  The popularity and over saturation of Tom's shoes is annoying but much more palatable than Crocs.  Now, the only people you see wearing Crocs are children under 12.  Why?  Because, besides ER nurses, children are the only people that can pull of wearing fucking clown shoes without looking like a complete idiot.

 

Speaking of questionable footwear trends, the summer of 2010 has been host to a few of it's own objectionable fixtures for the fashion conscious foot.  I broke out the Sleeping Horse Pills Sniper-Cam to bring you:

The Worst Summer Footwear Trends Of 2010 

There was something happening in the world of women's sandals this summer that made absolutely no sense to me.  It was like somebody took those loose fitting ankle boots that were so popular in the 80's and said "Hey man, I love those boots that Molly's rockin' in Sixteen Candles, but it's summer and it's so hot.  Fuck it man, cut some holes in that shit, let's go!" 

It's hard to say exactly what's going on here.  Is she wearing sandals because she's shopping and hanging out on a hot summer day or is she sporting the retro ankle boots because she's about to do some fat lines on the back of the toilet in Elysium and dance to Tainted Love on 80's night?

Being confusing really isn't the worst part about these.  I guess the real problem is that they're fucking ugly. 

Seriously.  I can't even pretend to have a discussion about Form vs. Function with this and it doesn't really matter.  That shit just looks straight up silly.

I don't even know where to begin with these....

Apparently these were designed for runners who prefer to run barefoot.  They're called Vibram FiveFingers (Am I missing something here?  Did they originally set out to design gloves, ended up designing ugly shoes and just forget to change the name to something a little more extremity specific?)  and they set you back $75.  These things are just barely acceptable if you really are a runner, but even then, the minute one stops running they need to remove them and hide them so that nobody knows they own a pair.

You know you're doing something wrong if whenever you're asked about something you're wearing, your immediate response is to justify it with the excuse that it's really, really comfortable.  Okay, I get it.  It doesn't change the fact that 90% of the people I see wearing these are nowhere close to being runners and I have to wince a little whenever I see someone in them.  Ugly and ridiculous don't even come close to describing these.  They make those Double Complete Rainbow colored Crocs look like a goddamn pair of Berluti Rapiécés Reprisés!

Hit the jump to see the complete gallery of the 2010 summer footwear trends we hope don't survive the winter to haunt us again next summer.  Sleeping Horse Pills encourages you to grab your smartphones and practice your sniper skills.  Send examples of how these fashion eyesores appear in your own neighborhood to shpestamuerto@gmail.com.

Honorable Mention:  This dude had on some serious Nikes.  I get the whole "Air" thing and why it's attractive to basketball players and fans.  These had "Flight" written across them and they really do look more complicated than the actual cockpit of a Boeing 737.  What's with all the straps and shit?  Does the dude need a pilot's license to wear them?  Do his socks need to go through a security screening to prevent them from hijacking the shoes and flying them into a building?  I can only imagine that having all that shit hanging off your sneaker would hinder your ability to jump rather than giving you super dunking skills.

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